In Memory of Matthew Schultz

Faithful readers, bear with me, or skip this post. There will be no tips and tricks in this post, but perhaps a few memories and food for thought in the grand scheme of things. I do feel the need to say goodbye to an old friend and pass along what I have learned about life, death, and how the choices we make affect everything. If you choose to join me, you are more than welcome. If you pass by without a glance, I understand.
On Friday, June 5, 2009, Matthew Schultz drown in the Missouri River. He was an old friend of mine, though we hadn't seen each other in a decade. He and I formed a band while I was in college and he was just out of High School. We had 3 names, as the writing and demoing process went: Wampa Spectrum, Wombat Spectrum, and Susperia. (We always preferred Wampa Spectrum, but figured if we ever released an album, George Lucas might take us down for using "Wampa".) Anyway, I was the principal songwriter with my Amiga-based studio (running OctaMED, with a Yamaha RY-30 Drum Machine and Casio CZ-101 keyboard slaved to it). He was the impetuous kid I met at work who styled himself to be somewhere between Paul Stanley and Rob Zombie - he was neither, but his voice really worked well with my writing style.

We started to cut our demo in Pumpkin Shell Studio (owned by musician extraordinaire Richard Schultz). We completed one rough demo for the song "(E)motion Violation". This has been my favorite song from my catalog for a long time. I recently began to re-make it in my current studio, because state-of-the-art home recording has come so far since that demo was cut in 1995 or 1996. I cannot continue on that project at this time. The rough mix with Matt singing will stand. I plan to release it here in the near future.

Anyway, we had compiled the songs for an EP. We had it priced out, planned out, and were going to start auditioning local guitarists to replace some of the scratch guitar samples I had used. I took a vacation, he had a change of heart during that time, and we called it quits. End of the band, end of my music for many years. We exchanged emails once in a while for a couple years, but then he disappeared for a while, and I had no idea where he was until last year. Yet I put off getting in touch with him, and now it's too late to send him an email.

So what, right?

Here's what: I went to the Memorial service his brother held for him (on the shore of the Missouri River, close to where he died). I only knew a couple people there, but most were from Matt's life after I lost touch with him. Everyone said the same basic things about him - his quest for knowledge, his drive to pursue his dreams, the way he was on a journey through life. There were Rocket Balloon Races, Belly Dancers, Singing, Glow Sticks, Drums, and a solemn sing-along of KISS' "Shout It Out Loud", all in Matt's honor.

Near the end of the memorial, I realized that the person they were talking about was not the same person I remembered. All the talk of his being on a journey, and his journey had come to an end in the river. It was then that I realized that I knew Matt at the beginning of the journey, when he was still the impetuous kid idolizing his big brother and not yet seeking answers to the big mysteries. He had grown, evolved, and pursued a life much bigger than any normal life.

And that's when I realized why learning about Matt's life in the past ten years and his untimely death shook me up so much: I could have been him. He pursued some of the same topics I myself had been studying earlier in life. He chased his dreams. I took the safe path: went to college, got a steady job with a conservative company, got married, had kids. Safe across the board.

Matt lived life boldly, and he died boldly. He left his mark on all the people he ever met. I am known as being more reliable than spontaneous. Matt's death is a wake-up call to me in a lot of ways. I know I need to live life more fully, instead of putting it on the "to do" list. Pursue my creative goals doggedly, not passively. That's not to say I'm quitting my job and running away from responsibilities. It's about unlocking the passions and the fires that burn inside. If we don't fan the flames, the dreams will die in a vacuum.

Adding a little more kindling to my "wake up call" - the day before I learned of Matt's death, I was in a car accident that left my car pretty much totaled, but somehow I walked away from with only a slightly sore arm and shoulder. (I was hit directly in the driver's side door and the car was thrown a considerable distance.) I have been living a safe life. Even when bad things happen to me, they happen to me safely.

Matt lived a spontaneous life, and a spontaneous decision to wade into the Missouri River led to his death being broadcast on the evening news. I envy Matt his choices in life. It's not often that we can see a glimpse of what we might have been had we made different choices. I have seen that alternate history of my life, in the shapshots of Matt's life. And the single biggest impression I saw of Matt's adult life is how many people he touched, and how deeply he connected with life on every level.

Although I regret not getting to see the "upgraded" Matt of the last ten years, I cannot dwell on it. I am assimilating what I can, and will move forward with more purpose in my life. I will straddle the line of the safe and the unsafe and grab for that brass ring.

I'll miss you Matt. We all will.